Skip to main content

This Can't Be Wrong

OK.  I haven’t written in a while, because I haven’t felt up to it.  I have no idea where my career is going, if anywhere at all, and it’s been getting me down.

I think of the barren lands that have been completely deforested by generations of humans overusing their trees and wonder what the woodsman felt who chopped down the very last one, leaving a sea of stumps where once old growth forest had lived. 

I am approaching the very last recital on my calendar, and I am realizing that the entire spring season went by without me working to procure more engagements, and also without anyone contacting me for any, and I find that very discouraging.  After my July performance at the Chicago Cultural Center I have no further solo gigs lined up, and I have been frankly depressed about it.  I understand that it is my job as a freelancer and an entrepreneur to make these opportunities for myself, but it is so exhausting.  Somehow this end of my job has never gotten easier and I have no idea how to break through the barrier.  Every day my to-do list has an item about firing out some email proposals, and every night I accept with a  sigh that I still have not done so. 

All that said, I played tonight on the Dake Faculty Recital. I performed the Lofstrom Concertino, which I will also be presenting at IDRS in a few weeks, and also the quintet arrangement of Le Tombeau de Couperin, which might have stressed me out if I had taken a moment to think about it. 

And it reminded me.  I was born to be a performer.  I love being on the stage, dancing around as I sell great music to an audience.  I could do this all day - it energizes me.  The harder the program the better I like it, and the more material I play from memory - totally without a net - the more ecstatic I become.  It wasn’t perfect tonight, no -  I’m still working on delivering the PERFECT performance - of anything - but alone on stage I am in my element.   

And this can’t be the wrong path. It feels too great.  I’ve been thinking about going back to school.  About changing my direction.  About studying to be a nurse, or opening a coffee shop, or walking dogs.  But performing, for me, is so right.  I just haven’t quite cracked the code for how to do it more.  How to make it a greater percentage of my income stream. 

BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO. 

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 9, 2012 at 12:04 PM

    Yes. Yes. Yes!!

    Couldn't agree more about the last paragraph. Please continue doing what you're doing. There may be some way to collaborate on more performances of the Concertino if you are interested.

    Uncovered a few more radio plays, which is heartening.

    See you,

    Doug Lofstrom

    ReplyDelete
  2. JennetSeptember 9, 2012 at 12:49 PM

    Heartening, indeed! Congratulations to you, and YES I will collaborate on more performances - as many as we can find. More! More!

    Thanks, Doug!

    Jennet

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Knife Sharpening

I've gotten a lot of questions on this topic, and the most recent querent prompted me to make a video to demonstrate.  You can find that  HERE . Knife sharpening seems to strike terror into many hearts.  And it's little wonder.  Many famous oboists have gone on record as saying that a sharp knife is the most important aspect of reed making. People have entire systems of stones and strops and rods set up to sharpen their knives. And it is important, of course it is - but I don't believe that you need your knife to be razor-like, or objectively the sharpest blade of any in your home.  The reed knife has one job - scraping cane off in precision ways - and it has to be sharp enough for that, and sharpened optimally for that purpose.  More than that is overly fussy for my taste. This is not to say that I allow my knife to be dull.  A dull knife forces you to put too much pressure on the reed and can cause cracking. Obviously it can lead to terribly inc...
7 comments
Read more

Zoe's Musical Beginnings

I've mentioned before that I started out on the piano by figuring out melodies.  Connecting notes and trying to learn how they worked.  I'm fascinated to observe that Zoe's initial approach to the instrument is totally different from mine. She sits at our new piano and plays random notes, and tells us what to feel.  If she is playing slowly then the music is sad, and we should cry. When we are "crying" she either gets up and hugs us so we feel better (so awesome!) or bangs faster, to indicate that the music is now happy and we should dance.  Her other piano game is accompanying herself - she plays "chords" in alternating hands while she "sings" the ABC song or Camptown Races or Sesame Street.  She makes us sing along.  She loves it when we clap at the end.  When I was little I wanted to know how music worked. Although I make my living as a performer now, I learned about the interpersonal aspects of music later.  Her immediate interest is in ...
2 comments
Read more

Exciting Upcoming Concerts

The South Bend Symphony has a great concert this weekend that I've been really excited about. If you are in town you should definitely try to attend, as it features Prokofiev's thrilling Symphony no. 5 AND our marvelous concertmistress, Zofia Glashauser, playing the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto. However, I will not be there. This Friday and Saturday I am playing Strauss's Ein Heldenleben with the Milwaukee Symphony , and loving every single minute. This orchestra sounds spectacular, and here's why. They rehearse. They have plenty of time to really listen to each other and get things right. This morning, our service was a wind sectional, which blew my mind. Almost 2 full hours with only the winds and brass, just on this one 40-minute piece. The conductor worked with us on every detail. Intonation, articulation, ensemble, balance, style. And still we have another full orchestra rehearsal tomorrow as well as the dress. I haven't sat in a winds-only rehearsal...
7 comments
Read more